Why must my life turnout this way?
Why cant it be full of happiness?
Why must I be this way?
Why cant I smile truthfully for once?

Love.
It's just a 4 letter word.
But it means so much to me.
Why cant you just understand me?
Why are you doing this to me?

You melt my hardened heart.
You make me whole again.
You made me smile just by talking to me.
You told me you loved me.

You asked me to be yours.
I rejected you.
I wasnt ready, I said.
& you moved on.

Whatever happened to your dearest?
Whatever happened to your miss you's?
Whatever happened to your i love you's?
I never knew.
You told me you loved me.
Then, You had a change of mind.
I'm at a lost for words.
Why? I asked myself.
Why did you change your mind?
Is it because of me?

I still love you, I said.
Ohk, you said.
It was not easy for me to say that.
Yet you make it sound so easy.

I envy other couples.
I envy girls having someone to love them.
I envy girls feeling so secure among the one they love.
& I start to wonder,
Why can't I be like them?
Why can't I have someone to love me?
Why can't I feel so secure?

I wish I had the answers.
The answers to everything I'm unsure of.
Even though the truth hurts sometimes.
I decided to write your name.
Write it somewhere, where it always stays.
Finally, I found the right place.
In my heart, coz that's where you stay.

In the end,
It all brings down to me.
I was the one
who never learned to treasure others,
who never learned from her own mistakes,
& who never admits to her own feelings.

In the end,
I was the one who loses,
loses someone I love,
lost in love,
& who never get to feel true love ever again.

yours truly,
fyra.